How has your life and career changed after Minnal Murali?
It hasn't changed. But okay, I'm glad I'm getting a little attention, adulation. But this growth was very gradual. I don't see any sudden shift. There may be people who look from outside and might feel that things have changed suddenly for me. But it was step by step. I've been wanting this for so long. Five years back someone asked me a question : what is your life’s plans? Where do you see yourself five years from now ?
So what was your answer?
I'm not someone who is trying to compete with my contemporary actors. I just want to do the movies which I love and I'm not bothered about the collection figures.
In fact, you had said something very nice in the first interview that we did together, where I asked you what you thought of all the great actors whom you have to compete with in Kerala. And you said, you know, it's like a cricket team. All of you guys are on the same side, which I thought was amazing?
I am very happy that I'm living in the same generation where all these amazing actors and technicians are living and believe me I admire each one of them. Believe me when I say I'm not bothered about the collection figures. If it is big, great. It doesn't matter because it goes into the producers’ account. The big high for me is when people accept what I do, when people appreciate what you are trying to achieve as an actor. That's it.
That's so satisfying, right?
That's so satisfying. That's the only thing we actors want, more than money more than fame. I hate it when someone says you look good in that movie. As this is the most superficial level at which an actor is appreciated. Of course I like being praised for my looks. But I'm not satisfied with that.
Of course, why would you be? If you were vain about your looks you would be a ramp walker or a model?
Exactly. What I want is international exposure as an actor. I want Malayalam films to be watched just as Korean movies are being watched by millions all over the world. Audiences in Kerala have been exposed to World Cinema long before it became fashionable for the rest of India. There's a cultural of film festivals and stuff like that in Kerala from a very long time. Even before I became an actor I was a frequent visitor to all these film festivals. I've watched 50 movies in 10 days at festivals. What I saw in those film festivals was, the audience were not critics. Everyone is a movie critic today. They never cared about that. Many Keralites attending film festivals have their government jobs. They take ten days’ leave. They'll come here, watch. 55 movies and go back.
So, let me ask you a little crude question. How much have you hiked your price after this movie Minnal Murali?
I haven't hiked my price. I don't have to ask for a hike. They will come to me with a fee that they think I deserve. There is no point in fighting for my remuneration; they know my value and they'll give me what I deserve, although comparatively it's much lesser than other film industries in India. I have my comfortable life, but it is also about valuing yourself. I'll never do something for free. I'll know exactly what to do with myself. I have no value for money. As long as I have the things that I need I am okay. But still I spend in buying clothes, but it's all for brand building. Yeah, I mean if it’s something I should do so that my movies get noticed, I will do it. Otherwise I would rather invest my time in things that matter to me.
Like what?
Like being with my family, getting enough rest. That's something that I never get. And what I believe in is, just chilling. We should simply sit still for at least two hours a day doing nothing. I want to do that. After some point, I will not get bored doing that. I realized that during the making of Kala. That was really strenuous. After like around 30 days of shooting I got a serious internal injury to a vein under my large intestine. It was a very serious blood clot. Initially I ignored it .I am someone who works out. I'll bear most of the pain. And I thought it was gas or something. But the second day, I couldn't even stand properly.
What happened next?
I called up my one of my friends, a doctor. I had to be admitted into hospital. I was in the ICU for two days. This was not my first time in hospital. When I was 12, I had kidney stones. That was very painful, much worse. I was in hospital for three months. I've seen my parents cry. So, that's a whole different story.
So what happened after you were injured during Kala?
I was lying the down in the ICU alone and I was not allowed to keep my one leg over the other because it will strain my blood. I had this pain physically and was given painkillers. And all through, I was wide awake and I was so energetic, but I was forced to lie down I didn't have a phone. I didn't have a book to read. I didn't have anyone to talk to. And even when someone came near me, they were in Covid-protection suits. I asked all those nurses to give me some tranquilizers. But how much could I sleep? I started l falling into thoughts. My only view was the ceiling. As soon as I got my phone, I clicked a picture of that ceiling and I have made it my wallpaper.
Did you pray?
I'm not a believer, but I prayed when I was a kid. What I believe is when we pray, we are telling it to ourselves …. I want this, I want that, I'm thankful for this and thank you for that. So we are talking to ourselves when we pray. And also, when do you know, which is your favorite colour? When was the first time you understood, which was your favourite colour? We don't t get time to think about our likes and dislikes. We are running running in this rat-race forever.
How did those two days in the ICU change you?
In the ICU I thought about a lot of things and I decided that it's not necessary that someone else's success is my success, your journey is important to you. I am not looking over my shoulder. During that time I thought should I use body doubles more frequently than I have done before. It’s not that their life is not valuable .But they are trained to not get hurt. All right, I'll be very careful. I was not allowed to fight for two months
Tell me about your family?
We all live together. We live in the same house. And I want to do that forever. Even if I move into a bigger place I want two or three houses in the same compound so that we all can breathe the same air. Even Though I didn't have any work, even though we had to face a lot of problems during the lockdown we enjoyed our time together. I also own a dog, five different kind of parrots .I have a lot of budgies.
Is this a home or paradise?
I am living my dream. I want to live like this forever. I want my children to find out why I'm doing this. I want them to understand the value of the things that matter to me. As my kids are very small and they don't have regular school they come and stay with me during outdoor shooting. At least after shoot, I can come and spend some time with them. You can feel like you're at home with your family even when you are outdoors. So if I'm shooting for a month they will come and stay for 15 to 20 days.
How are you handling the extra attention after Minnal Murali?
I'm not very comfortable with huge crowds. I was an introvert back in school. But at some point I realized, okay, I cannot go on like this and dream of being an actor. I am still an introvert. But I cover it up well when I am in crowds. I guess I am a good actor (laughs).
What about the sudden increase in fan attention?
I have no problem in sacrificing my privacy. It's fine. But my family must not suffer. I'm concerned about their privacy. I’ve told my friends not to come to my home because I come home once in a while, sometimes one or two days in two or three months. So during that time I don't want anyone to come to my home .When I am out anybody can come without permission and click a picture, right? So your home is your fortress. When I first started acting in movies I've seen stars posing for pictures and I was fascinated by all those things. If I am at a restaurant with my family what I'll do is I'll get up from the table. I will go out click pictures and come back. I cannot tell people not to click pictures with me.
Are you going to be as careful in selecting your roles as you were earlier?
Of course, I'll be very careful .Earlier if I did 7-8 movies in a year 2 movies I was not happy about. I hope I'll not do movies which will not make me happy.
Minnal Murali is a hard act to follow up?
I think it is, but I don't want to think of it as the ultimate. I want to go beyond it. There is the challenge of doing something even more exciting. I don’t want to do just central characters. I want to do small characters, small and interesting characters. And I don't think I lose the lead roles just because I'm doing supporting characters or something. You know, I've gotten over that mind-set. I started off as a very small-time actor. And even after I became a lead actor, I did supporting roles.
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